10 Reasons Why You Are Toxic and How To Change It
If you’ve ever been accused of being toxic, it’s probably not surprising. Maybe you’ve been called out for being mean, or someone just flat-out told you that they think you’re toxic. But even if it’s not something that people have said directly to your face, I can guarantee that there are times when someone has looked at you and thought: “Wow, this person is just plain evil.”
Toxic people are everywhere in our society. Sometimes, they’re obvious because they wear their toxicity on their sleeves (like the guy who recently yelled at me for holding a door open for him), and other times, they’re not so easy to spot simply because they’re so good at disguising themselves (like my ex-boyfriend who used our relationship as an excuse to avoid growing up). In any case, toxic behavior wears down those around us—and sometimes, we don’t even realize how much damage we’re doing until later.
Find out why you are toxic.
The first step to stopping your toxicity is figuring out why you are toxic. Toxic people generally don’t realize they’re toxic, so the first step to change is recognizing why you’re behaving that way.
Here’s a list of some common reasons why people become toxic:
- They feel like they can’t express their anger without hurting others’ feelings or making someone else angry.
- They want everyone around them to be happy and comfortable all the time.
- They’re afraid of vulnerability, so they try to stay in control by ensuring everyone else feels inferior or vulnerable.
- They don’t know how to deal with their emotions, so they act out.
To figure out why you’re toxic, it’s essential to consider all possible reasons and then talk about them with a friend or therapist.
Recognize your triggers
If you can’t figure out what triggers your toxic behavior, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist or counselor who can help clarify the matter. You can also try keeping a journal or log in which you document the times when you feel yourself acting in an unhealthy way and why. This will help identify any emerging patterns and point toward possible triggers causing these reactions.
Once you’ve identified some of your triggers, it’s time to start thinking about how to deal with them more effectively.
Take a step back from the situation. Step back from the situation if you feel yourself slipping into unhealthy behavior. This may mean walking away from an argument or conversation until you’ve cooled off and can think more clearly about what’s happening. It could also mean you must remove yourself and give yourself some breathing space for things to clear up.
- Read Also: 9 Signs a Toxic Mother Raised You.
Focus on your happiness.
When you’re feeling stressed or angry, it can be easy to get caught up in what’s going wrong in your life. However, focusing on the negative is only going to make things worse. Instead of letting yourself get dragged down by the bad stuff, remember all the good things happening—even if they seem insignificant at the time!
You may feel that you don’t have anything to be happy about, but there are always things in your life that you can focus on. For example, you might be unable to do anything about your current situation. Still, it’s likely that at some point in the future, you’ll be able to look back on this time as one of many learning experiences or even a good story to tell others.
- Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t.
- Don’t let toxic people bring you down.
- Don’t compare yourself to others—you’re your own person!
Identify why you’re self-sabotaging
And then make a plan to combat it. Make sure you’re being realistic about your goals, and don’t set yourself up for failure by overdoing it or doing something that’s not within your capabilities.
You’re afraid of change.
You may not know why you’re doing what you’re doing, but chances are it’s because you’ve been doing it for so long that it’s become a habit. When something is a habit, we don’t think about what we’re doing or why. We do it automatically. But when we stop and ask ourselves why we do a sure thing, we can start making fundamental changes in our lives.
You don’t want to fail: failure is scary!
It means that something didn’t go as planned, and now there might be consequences—like disappointment or embarrassment. You might have gotten used to being safe and comfortable (even if your life isn’t great). Feeling like everything could fall apart at any moment can keep us stuck in toxic behavior patterns because at least we feel familiar and safe compared with the unknown risks of success or change.
You’re afraid of success.
Although this sounds counterintuitive, many people who self-sabotage fear success! They think they’ll lose their edge if they get too comfortable in life—that their accomplishments will somehow make them less exciting people.
You’re afraid of judgment from others.
Maybe someone said something unkind when you were younger that made an impression on how confident you feel about yourself today; some past experiences taught you not to trust other people’s opinions so much. Whatever happened—and however justified it may seem—you need some time alone before letting other people back into your life again.
Rejection by family members can also be a challenge to your sense of self
When your family turns their backs on you, it’s hard not to feel they don’t want anything more to do with you—and that’s a hard feeling to get over. It can make you feel like there’s something wrong with you, like no one will ever love you again.
Think about your friends and family.
If you think you are toxic, ask your friends and family. If they say that you are, then it’s probably true. If they say you aren’t, it’s probably not true, but it is still worth looking into further. If they seem unsure or wish to be asked again later, the answer is most likely “a little bit.”
Toxic people are toxic to themselves, too.
Don’t be your own worst enemy. You can’t change other people. That’s true, but you can change yourself. And that’s what you need to do. As I’ve said, toxic people have a problem with themselves and take it out on the world. They can only fix this by fixing themselves first and foremost.
You may be thinking, “I’m not toxic! How could I be?” But don’t worry: if you’re too hard on yourself or others, chances are you are being too harsh in some way! If there is one thing we all should learn from this article, there is always room for improvement regarding how we interact with each other (and even ourselves). You will never be perfect—but striving for perfection will help keep your behavior grounded in reality rather than clouded by emotions like anger or frustration, which lead nowhere except further frustration!
Why You Are Toxic – Conclusion
I hope you’ve taken the time to consider why you’re toxic and how you can change. If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, it’s that toxic people are toxic to themselves, too.
It may feel like your addiction is solely a problem for those around you, but at its core, it’s impacting your life just as much – if not more so – than anyone else’s.